Who is Alan Smithee?

I have been called The World's Lousiest Director and sometimes even The Scapegoat. I have to say that this is very hurtful. While my movies may have been labled bombs by the Hollywood community, they represent my artistic vision!

Well, to say screw you to the studios, I am trying my hand in a new field. Something I haven't done before: Review the movies of others.

Now I have sat through some really good and really bad films (I kind of enjoy the bad ones, but that is beside the point), and so I feel uniquely qualified to give you my professional opinion on each and answer the question,

Alan, should I really waste two hours of my life watching this movie?

And damn, it I will be as honest as I can.